


Acceptance

by hetalia_textbook



Series: His Little Bird Series [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4588980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hetalia_textbook/pseuds/hetalia_textbook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Most nations don't need to worry about serious wounds. Any harm done to them usually heals far faster than any human could ever hope for. However, when a nation is plagued by the memories of the past and are unwilling to move on from the event that caused them to be harmed, a terrible scar forms. Russia's began therapy at America's request. The scars on his skin are too much to deal with alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Acceptance

Scars for a nation are strange things, much like the nations themselves. Wounds heal remarkably quickly and usually leave nothing behind, however if a nation is unwilling to move on or is continuously plagued or angered by the event that caused the wound, a scar forms.

Ivan unwound his scarf and then removed his shirt. He stared into the bathroom mirror and frowned deeply. Months ago, Ivan would have refused to look at himself in the mirror, but now… He swallowed thickly as his eyes traveled over the scars on his body. He couldn’t see the slashes and burn marks on his back, but he knew exactly where they were. Each scar had been memorized, their place and appearance committed to memory, even after centuries of being hidden. The person he used to be and the people he used to know had left their mark on his skin and he felt hideous. He quickly turned his eyes away from the mirror before he began to scrutinize himself under the bathroom’s florescent lighting any further.

Perhaps that therapist Alfred had convinced him to go to had the wrong idea. This had been a horrible idea. Ivan reluctantly unwrapped the bandages from his neck and quickly began to search for new bandages to replace them.

There was a knock at the door, startling Ivan somewhat. Alfred opened the bathroom door and walked in. His long pajama pants trailed along the cold tiles. Alfred yawned and grabbed his toothbrush. “You’re hogging the bathroom, babe,” Alfred said and began putting toothpaste onto his toothbrush, “I need to clean up too,” Alfred finally brought his eyes up to the mirror, his toothbrush in his mouth. He silently stared into the mirror, his eyes following the contours of Ivan’s body in a curious and surprised manner.

Although he remained silent, Ivan could feel Alfred judging him. Alfred had already seen the scars on his neck and upper body. After some speaking with his therapist, he had worked up the nerve to show the younger man his scars, if only just a few at a time. Alfred had been horrified, not of Ivan, but of how bad the scars appeared. The scars on his neck still appeared raw and irritated, even though they were just old scars. Over the course of the past few months, Ivan had allowed Alfred to see his scars and explained what scar came from what altercation, event, attack, or battle. Ivan had refused to look as Alfred pointed to scar after scar asking what each one was from. Ivan answered each time. He knew without looking. The two scars that had left Alfred sulking had been the bullet wound on Ivan’s shoulder and the slash on his right arm, each caused by the younger nation himself.

Alfred had seen them all before. There should have been no reason for him to be staring at Ivan’s body now. Ivan closed his hands into fist and made an attempt to control his breathing. His jaw hurt as he clenched it tighter and resisted the urge to make his figure smaller and hold himself. Alfred loved him, he knew that, but at the same time, he couldn’t help but think Alfred couldn’t possibly care for him now that he knew his past. Alfred had told him many times that he was perfect the way he was, as he kissed each scar that Ivan allowed him to touch. It was convincing, but Ivan wasn’t quite sure if he could believe Alfred’s tender words just yet.

Ivan looked into the mirror, attempting to find what Alfred was scrutinizing. Perhaps it was something he’d need to cover. If Alfred wasn’t happy with it, he shouldn’t be either. He could fix it, hide it forever, but then again, his therapist would have called it a small step backwards which Ivan found disheartening after all his hard work.

Alfred finished brushing his teeth and spat out the toothpaste foam into the sink. He wiped his mouth and smiled. “Did you see that?”

“S-See what?” Ivan asked self-consciously.

“This!” Alfred turned and pointed to Ivan’s shoulder, “The scar that was here is gone,”

“Gone?!” Ivan turned and looked where Alfred was pointing. The patch of skin where Alfred’s bullet had left a mark was completely clear.

“And this one too!” Alfred pointed to where a slash mark had been. Ivan stared, shocked and somewhat confused. A scar had never disappeared once it formed on his flesh. The marks on his skin only got worse, never better.

“Maybe this therapy is really helping you, big guy,” Alfred smiled up at him, “It’s awesome that some of the scars are going away!”

“…They’re the ones you gave me,” Ivan mentioned quietly, “…And they’re gone…”

“Isn’t that great?” Alfred asked.

“It’s… It’s wonderful,” Ivan turned and hugged Alfred to his chest, kissing Alfred softly on the lips. “Thank you,”

“Me? What did I do?” Alfred chuckled and hugged him back. Ivan tensed when he felt Alfred’s hands touch the scars on his back, the piercing of an old foes blade flashed before his eyes, but he quickly relaxed. He knew Alfred wouldn’t hurt him. Not anymore. He knew Alfred loved him and the scars disappearance was just more proof of it. Ivan trusted him and he had begun to heal, earning the same trust and love from Alfred in return. It was a wonderful feeling.

“You’re helping me,” Ivan said.

Alfred smiled and hugged Ivan tighter, “I’m so glad! I really wanna help you, big guy. So… What did the therapist ask you to do today?”

“To… look at my scars,” Ivan turned back to the mirror and looked back at the scars that still remained. “Many are still there… They still bother me,”

“I’m glad you’re telling me how you’re feeling,” Alfred said and took Ivan’s hand in his, “It’ll be alright. This kind of stuff takes time, ya’ know? Don’t feel bad you’re not getting immediate results,”

“Alright,” Ivan agreed. He understood that Alfred and his therapist wanted him to take things slowly. They weren’t going to dredge up all of his past at once and expect him to simply get over it all within a couple sessions. It would take time, possibly years, before Ivan felt comfortable enough to live with his scars, but Alfred had already noticed that Ivan was improving. Many of his scars will be there forever, memories remaining in the back of his mind, reminding him of how he grew up and what he had done, but he could learn to accept the scars. Perhaps he’d never forgive himself or others for his and their wrongdoings, in the same way he had forgiven and accepted Alfred, but he’d get better, and learn to respect himself again, scars and all.

“Let’s head to bed,” Alfred suggested, “Do you want to try sleeping without the bandages and scarf tonight?”

Ivan lightly touched his neck, trailing his fingers over one particularly irritated looking scar. He swallowed thickly and nodded. “Yes,” he strained to say, “That sounds… good,”

Alfred saw through Ivan’s lie and shook his head. “No, I can tell you don’t want to. If you’re not ready that’s fine. You don’t have to be ready to waltz into a meeting without your scarf or bandages or whatever. You don’t even have to be without them around the house if you’re not ready yet,”

“Okay,” Ivan sighed, thankful that Alfred saw how stressed the suggestion had made him. Alfred aided him in wrapping the newer bandages around his neck. Ivan pulled a shirt on and decided to fold his scarf up neatly and place it on the night stand rather than wrapping it back around his neck to sleep in.

Ivan sat down beside Alfred in bed and picked up his most recent book from the nightstand. Alfred picked up his phone and checked for any missed texts, missed emails, or anything new from his boss. Finding none, he set it aside and laid down. “Dorogoy?” Ivan asked tentatively, barely able to read the words printed on the page.

“Hm?” Alfred muttered.

“They would stare at me,”

“Who would stare at you?” Alfred asked and rolled over to face him.

“Everyone… If I didn’t wear my bandages while I’m outside… or in a meeting,” Ivan closed his book, deciding he wouldn’t be able to read that night. Alfred sighed and slid a bit closer to him, wrapping an arm over Ivan’s lap and resting his head on his stomach. “Yeah, they will. It’ll be weird for them to see you without them, but they’ll understand,”

“Will they?” Ivan said skeptically, “How do you know?”

“Because they’re all really old and they all have scars… Even I have a couple scars, big guy. No one is going to think anything worse about you,” Alfred yawned, “just because you have a few more than they do,”

“It is not just a few,” Ivan joked uncomfortably.

Alfred gave him a soft laugh in return. “So what? It’ll be fine, okay?”

“Okay,”

Ivan turned off the bedside lamp and laid down beside Alfred. After whispering a soft goodnight, he kissed Alfred on his forehead and the two of them fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, a small sequel! Can you believe it? I could have gone on forever with His Little Bird and I wanted to incorporate one of my headcanons into my work. By the way, let me know if you'd like to see more and I'll add more drabbles talking about Ivan's slow recovery in no particular order of events. Let me know what you guys think in the comments. I'd love to hear some reviews on this one-shot and His Little Bird. Thanks for reading!


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